report card 1: introducing a new series
report card 1: introducing a new series
welcome to my weekly report card containing my reflections, eats, plays, obsessions, recommendations, and treats
Welcome to the Report Card series, a weekly newsletter for paid subscribers. This first card will be free, just so you can get a glimpse into the type of content these cards will contain. Each Report Card will be posted every Saturday or Sunday to provide a recap of the prior week.
So, why “Report Card”?
Firstly, I think it’s a cute name. But on a deeper level, I’ve associated report cards througout my childhood with my self worth. Report cards were a way for me to showcase my intelligence to my parents and prove to them that I’m capable of learning. The issue was, and perhaps I’ll dig deeper into this in a separate newsletter, I was constantly criticized and nitpicked for my grades. 93%? Why not 95%? You got a B+? What was the average? What went wrong?
There was rarely any praise, but constant criticism over everything I did. In some sort of way, the report card became a haunting ghost that followed me everywhere, to tennis practice, to the library after school ended, to English class where I was paired with the popular kid who made me too scared to voice my opinions on the class project.
But the thing is, I love tracking everything now. My habits, hobbies, inventory, thoughts, fights, memories. These metrics compile itself into a report card for me to reflect back on, but this time around, I’m not berating myself for scoring low on one thing. If I struggled in one part of my life, then so be it. What’s the problem here? Life goes on, and so should I, right?
I was never given that freedom to move on in my childhood. I was constantly under pressure, constantly reminded of how terrible I was as a student, constantly told that I should stop being so shy and make more friends. But now? At the age of 26, I’m able to tell these voices to fuck off, so I can curate my own report card that I can look back on it with grace.
While “report” currently stands for reflecting, eating, playing, obsessing, recommending, and treating, knowing my tendency to switch things up out of boredom, there might be some weeks where the words stand for something else. Who knows what my finicky brain will conjure up one of these weeks?
reflecting
ONE // The path of most resistance is fucking difficult to take. I don’t usually reveal the profane side of me on social media, but you will be hearing my frustrations in this section of my weekly newsletters moving forward. I am a person who struggles quite a bit, mentally, and I am very difficult on myself whenever I fail. I experience a lot of regret/guilt even in situations that are out of my control. With that being said, taking the path of most resistance is one that so many people tell you to do, right? In these productivity books, habit building strategies, it’s always to create systems that will make good, healthy behaviors sustainble. But ultimately, making sure these systems more difficult than it seems.
TWO // Men (maybe this is a blanket statement, so correct me if you have vastly different experiences) are simpleminded when it comes to conflict. Mr. Beans had a small misunderstanding with a friend on call this past week, and after the friend called him out on his actions, they “squashed the beef” in 30 minutes. I’m sorry, but what? In what universe will I have the courage and confidence to be able to do that with a female friend? I find that at least for me, I struggle with honoring my feelings and expressing them to female friends. I’ll usually let it slide, while on the other hand, I’ll feel more comfortable telling a male friend about problems I’m having with them. Why is that? Am I just too scared to hurt their feelings? Do I perceive women as more sensitive as men? Is this some toxic gendered narrative that I’ve been pushing internally, while preaching the complete opposite externally, but also not realizing? At the end of the day, isn’t hiding the truth from them more hurtful?
THREE // I also went over budget for a few categories—social, maintenance, and travel. Socializing on a budget is pretty difficult for me, no matter how many times I’ve told you all that I’ve got a hang of it. It’s not even mid-May! This has been stressing me out, only because I am a near perfectionist when it comes to my personal goals and even setting systems in place to try to meet them.
I’m waiting on Bumble Beans to pay me back for our Airbnb, and I wasn’t able to use my flight credit for United, so this category has just been a hot mess.
I’m financially stressed, but I think I just need to really realign my priorities and increase my budget categories to make it more realistic. There are days when I’m doing really well financially, and days when it feels like I’m not in a good place. This week, it’s been feeling like the latter, but I’ve also noticed that the start of each month gets extremely stressful for me financially, and the anxiety slowly dies down by the end of the month.
eating
ATE // I had so much Indian food this past week. Mr. Beans and I lived off of takeout, and while I’m not so proud of this, I am glad it’s this and not ramen or junk food. I had cauliflower manchurian, aloo gobi, chole, lots of garlic naan, and vegan dumplings (Haio brand from Hmart) throughout the week.
DRANK // I missed out on a Marketplace purchase for a $10 cold brew maker, and then got too lazy to find another seller in my area so I got the Cafe Bustelo Instant Espresso powder from Target. It’s not special but it gives me the caffeine I need in the morning, and it’s dirt cheap. I think I paid around $6 for powder that will last me 3 months. I always drink my coffee with milk and a sweetner, and lately, my favorite coffee concoction has been instant coffee powder + Oatly oat milk + Nutpods unsweetened vanilla creamer + Silk sweetened vanilla creamer.
playing
LISTENED // I recently created a Spotify playlist with specific songs that make me really happy! It’s all upbeat and borderline girl-raging, but a lot of fun to listen to. My top TTPD songs are in there, as well as songs by Ariana Grande, Olivia Rodrigo, Renee Rapp, and a few other female artists.
WATCHED // I watched Anyone But You last Saturday as part of date night with Mr. Beans. I was so excited for this movie and wanted to wait until it came out on a streaming platform because I didn’t think spending $15 on a movie ticket for a romcom was worth it. I’m glad I saved my money because wow, this was not good. Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell did such a great job with the press tour because their chemistry off-screen was more believable than it was on-screen.
I recently finished Behind Her Eyes. From the Netflix preview and summary, I thought it would be a fun little murder mystery (current obsession right now), but no, it was not. It was weird, unsettling, and frustrating. I disliked all the adult characters and felt no remorse for their endings. Solid 1.5 star.
READ // I finished Funny Story by Emily Henry, and I actually enjoyed it! It’s not my favorite EH book, but I think it’s a great summer read. (My Goodreads review here). I also recently started King of Sloth by Ana Huang, and it’s been a slow read for me because I don’t think I like Xavier/Sloane as much as the other couples in the Kings of Sin series.
obsessing
I purchased a new coffee table from Facebook Marketplace - $25 for the table itself, and $5 for shipping. What a steal! I was initially thinking of purchasing another one for $55 but that lady didn’t offer shipping, so the total cost would’ve been around $80 if I went through with that. But truthfully, I think it’s the fact that this item is secondhand, and not purchased new. I feel a sense of pride (?) not only for sustainability reasons but also for my younger self who blindly agreed with my mom when kept reminding me that thrifting was disgusting and that the ghosts of people who used to wear these items would haunt me.
I was so excited when Mackenzie announced her new Substack newsletter, ! I’m not wild about Disney, but there’s something so fun about the way Mackenzie writes that makes me so excited to read each newsletter she puts out!
If you read my last newsletter, you probably know I’ve been on my vintage shopping/thrifting grind. But one thing I’ve been really loving is going to fairs, where a bunch of small/local businesses bring their items to sell at their respective booths. I went to Maum Market last week, and it was a great experience! This might not be the best place for people who really struggle to refrain from purchasing things in sight, but for me, I love the open environment, people going up to booths and examining little knick knacks, and business owners proudly showcasing their handmade products. I discovered so many fun brands for the sake of noting this down for future needs! Truthfully, I probably wouldn’t have ever known about these brands if I didn’t go to the market in the first place.
recommending
I have a Cost Per Use tracker in Notion, and have been feeling a great deal of satisfaction seeing the CPU numbers go down after I input my daily outfits. For those with a mild shopping addiction (me!), I recommend calculating CPU of your clothing items, and only donating or selling them once they’ve hit a certain CPU benchmark. I had a conversation with Mr. Beans about this, because he expressed that I’m losing money by selling my expensive items for such a low cost, then purchasing something expensive over again. Rinse and repeat. After this conversation, I took down a few of my listings from Ebay and am actively trying to wear those clothes.
Happy AANHPI (Asian American Native Hawaiian Pacific Islander) and mental health awareness month! May is such a special month for me because so many great things happen during this time. Mr. Beans and I started officially dating in May, the weather is beautiful in SoCal, and I get to talk incessantly about my Asian identity and how important it is to put your mental health first before anyone else. Last year, I created two posts—one Asian related, the other mental health related.
The post below contains some free recommendations in which you can care for your mental health. They are geared towards the AANHPI population, but some are applicable to folks of all ethnicities!
treating
I’ve been treating myself to a lot of Substack time and writing. I rarely find writing my newsletters a chore, and I’ve been finding myself forgetting my real adult responsibilties because I’m writing, writing, writing. A big part of why I consider my Substack a treat as compared to a chore is because there are no expectations. No one is holding me to deadlines or scrutinizing my content to give me feedback. It’s all me, and it is my secret little creative outlet that maybe one day, I’ll tell my friends about.
I also purchased two plants today for $35 (plant and planter included in total). Mr. Beans and I have been talking about incorporating more non-human “life” into our apartment, and because he de-influenced me from adopting a $5K British Shorthair cat, I’ll settle for plants. Look at how cute they are!
Friends, thank you so much for reviewing my first Report Card with me! Future Report Cards will be paywalled, so I hope to see you again if you find this content interesting and useful!
—Beans ⋆˙⟡
Where to find me: Instagram | Goodreads | Letterboxd | Notion Templates | Wealthfront
Yes to repurposing our old clothes! And I love that coffee table, what a find!
I also use Notion, especially for my travel planning :)