a gentle guide to heartbreak
advice from the beans' community on getting over a breakup + my responses to your questions about my recent break with mr. beans
If someone told me I’d experience the worst heartbreak ever in 2024, I would’ve laughed in their face. My partner and I met in 2021 on Hinge, and we were long distance since I was in SoCal and he was in Boston. The reason being, I was doing my first year of my MPH program remotely due to COVID pandemic. Luckily, administration announced that doors would be reopening for the 2021-2022 academic year, so naturally, I switched my location on Hinge to Boston (where I’d be moving in August) some time in May to scope the situation. At this point in time, I was a year out of a bad relationship, and really enjoyed being single.
Fast forward to the present, Mr. Beans and I ended our relationship on February 6, 2024. While I won’t go into detail about what exactly happened between us, the gist is that after coming out of extremely toxic relationships (prior to us dating), we continued to exert self and relationship sabotaging habits upon each other, ultimately resulting in feelings of resentment, distrust, and loneliness. But while this sounds like a relationship that should be left in the past forever, there’s a complex layer of forgiveness, empathy, and love that we still have for each other and want to nurture, that has found its way into our current situation, which is friends/roommates.
I will be separating this newsletter into two parts — 1) advice and anecdotes from the Beans community in response to my February 12th Instagram story and 2) responses to your questions and coping strategies/resources that worked for me.
Disclaimer: These points have been taken from responses received from you all, but spelling/grammar mistakes have been amended and some of the longer passages have been shortened for conciseness.
Short Responses
Write a letter to your future self about this to read in X months/years to reflect
Time is truly the answer to get over a heartbreak
Support is everything
Immediately doing activities that you couldn’t do during the relationship and breaking out of your comfort zone (i.e., art classes)
Get a cleaner to deep clean the apartment when they leave
Go to places that you used to go with your partner with other people to create/”rewrite” new memories
Write a letter to your ex-partner, but don’t send it
Find something you love just as amuch as them, and pour all your energy into it
Heartbreak podcasts
Therapy
Book recommendation: The Missing Piece Meets the Big O
As much as you want to hang onto them, what’s meant for you will find its way to you
Meet new people, go out with your girls, prioritize what you want
How to Heal Heartbreak Guide by sighswoon
Remember that heartbreak is grief, and grief is just love that has nowhere to go. Redirect it.
Go on a trip with your best friend.
No contact for at least 3 months.
Long Responses
I feel like it’s so important for both parties to be honest with each other. That’s why I ask because I feel like if one partner is completely oblivious to what the other partner is thinking, it hurts more. Sometimes I think everything is perfect and then all of a sudden, it’s not to the other person! I guess being open is the only way forward.
5.5 years and he left me. We met in our home town and then became long distance. We weren’t going backwards but also weren’t going forward. I recommend to let yourself feel that pain, don’t go overboard obviously but you gotta let yourself cry, let yourself be sad. Distracting, avoiding, or pretending you’re okay all the time doesn’t fix it. Give yourself time to grieve and then live your life. I’m not saying just move on ASAP but try not to let that heartbreak consume you entirely. Do little things to improve your mood
Often we put our partners needs before our own and we can forget what we truly want/need in life. So I guess my biggest advice is to always reevaluate what you want in life and ensure you’re getting it! Don’t just hope and dream for the life you want but live it.
Went through a rough breakup post-grad, we were together for about 5 years, with a lot of disagreements and even a 4-month break in the mix (got back together for 1.5 years after the break). Although it caused a ton of heartache, where I would go multiple days without sharing my emotions and crying to myself, it got a lot easier with time and pouring that love I had for him into myself, my friends, my family and my hobbies. In doing so, I grew a lot and was really able to hone in on skills that made me special - I started painting again, playing games I enjoyed, running, doing yoga and Pilates, exploring new restaurants, cities and friendships. It also reassured me that I gave our relationship my all, & highlighted that there was nothing I could do to change our incompatibilities in future goals and way of thought. Regardless of what your end goal is, I think this time apart can be helpful to settle in with your emotions and figure out what truly makes you happy on a day-to-day basis!
The only heartbreak I’ve had was when I was 18. I was distraught. I wanted to communicate and work things out, but he knew it wouldn’t work for him and was done. (I know that now too, but at the time, I still had a space for him in my life that I didn’t know what to do with). In a permanent break, people often find solace in complaining about how sad-angry they are and how upset they are with their ex—this obviously isn’t a good idea in your situation. But I would advise that when you do, inevitably, feel frustrated with Mr B, you talk to your loved ones. I’m not saying you’ll be angry and should be horrible or anything, but in a time of high emotions you will feel frustrated that things aren’t working perfectly between you! That’s natural. You’ll be mad at life. And you might be frustrated that he isn’t on the same page as you, which will often come out as feeling annoyed at him. Even though you’re not actually mad at him? You’re mad at the situation and the discrepancy. Basically, I’m saying you will feel frustrated with this whole situation. When you do, talk to someone you trust. A close friend or a family member or something. Don’t keep that frustration completely inside your head. If you keep it internal, it can turn into resentment. It makes it easier to simplify the other person’s experience over time, and to ignore their potential emotions and reactions to the situation. Over time, you start to feel like you’re the only one struggling at all. This is an effective way of getting over someone who dumped you and didn’t treat you well, but not the healthiest one. And it’s a terrible thing to do if you want to remain rational!! (and it’s also a terrible thing to do if there’s a possibility of reuniting) Talking to a friend helps get that frustration *out*. You get a space to feel angry and hurt, and to feel validated that someone’s actions have caused you pain - but you will also be kept rational about the whole thing. basically… It keeps you in the mindset of “I know that they didn’t mean to hurt me, but I’m angry and sad about it. This sucks and these feelings suck and I’m annoyed that someone caused them!! However… I know that wasn’t their intent. I know they’re allowed to express needs and desires too. I want to feel validated in my anger and sadness and then work through it.” It also helps you break the mindset that your partner is the only person you can trust with the big topics. Personally I know I keep things private in my relationship a lot just by sheer force of habit. But sometimes that can be a bit codependent where you never talk to other people about your relationship, because it feels private. Talking to a trusted friend helps reaffirm your independent identity, if that makes sense. Because you remind yourself that you have someone else you can talk to. If you’re the private type, or you have set boundaries about talking to others all the time - totally reasonable. But the boundaries need to be open *enough* that you are able to discuss your situation (and your feelings), in some detail, with at least a couple of people. Because otherwise it’s unhealthy!! TLDR: keep responsible friends around who will validate your feelings, help you work through them, and can understand (and remind you) that you can be frustrated at someone but not think they’re a villain. Reaffirm your independent identity. Even in healthy relationships it’s easy to sort of “tie” yourself to your partner - like, if mine suddenly broke up with me, my whole day structure would be thrown out of wack. A lot of friendships would be different, altered to accommodate. And the main thing is that I would see something, and instinctively think “I should show my partner this” because that’s just such a central constant. It’s okay, but it’s so jarring to suddenly lose it??? So reaffirming who you are, what you like, and who your close friends are is a really, really good starting place. Helps you feel more like yourself again in so many ways. A split can make you feel like there’s a hole, or “something missing” - so valid - but try to remind yourself that you are a complete person by yourself! Of course you also need other people for some activities / hobbies / for social purposes… but that doesn’t make you an incomplete person. It just means you need to establish who, in your life, you have to talk about “x topic” with. Or go to chess club with. Or whatever. :) A partner often fills a lot of those roles purely by convenience, so finding new people to do it can be disconcerting, but it’s doable!!! Basically… much love. This is hard!! And you probably already have heard all the advice I wrote out, but I hope it helps a little anyway. I believe in you <3 You’re allowed to be sad and need a lot of time for this. Most important thing is you live alongside the grief.
Long term relationships: go no contact for at LEAST 6 months and then re-evaluate. The longer the relationship, go no contact for even longer. I stayed in contact with an ex I was in a relationship with for 5 years, we had also wanted to get back together as an end goal and were on and off for 2 years after breaking up. It was also my first relationship. But after finally not speaking to them for a year, I’ve changed so much as a person and couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with them again. The reasoning becomes so clear when you aren’t clouded by attachment/holding on due to fear. That’s only my experience though, but it’s something I wish someone had told me when I was going through it.
I think pretending it’s ’just for now’ and not forever is a huge one, and knowing if it’s meant to be it’ll come back to you is a salve. Keeping busy, focusing on something for you, getting therapy, taking up a new form of excersise, doing anything for a self improvement goal (once the initial immobilising low phase is over) and just giving yourself grace. Leaning on friends. I stayed at my friends house for two weeks straight by accident cus I didn’t want to go home and face the music. I think that’s ok (as long as friend is ok with it lol) a bit of distraction and avoidance is amazing to start with until you’re ready to properly process. Also not trying to be friends with your ex immediately, so painful and dragged out, and rarely ends well! Personally I’m a cut out guy and will just fully close the door as a coping mechanism. I do understand not everyone wants that but I do think if you’re fully broken up do you really need to be their friend? At least not immediately.
It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to regret your decision, but also be aware that it was for the best (maybe your friends would be able to shed light on it, because they’re often more objective). It’s okay to go through all states of emotion. It’s okay to still think about the other person (there is no “three month rule”, where after a period of time you have to/magically forget them. If you need a week or a lifetime, then so be it. What is important is filling your time with things you enjoy (and maybe didn’t have time for during your relationship). Rebuild/strengthen your relationships with friends and family. So on, so forth. Just don’t think that “this is the end of all things good” (I did that, and years later I roll my eyes at how dramatic I was, haha), because you will do great. Oh, and lists. Sometimes it’s a massive help to make your reasons why tangible, especially when you want to backslide into something that may not be beneficial for you.
I got out of a 4 year relationship a few years ago, my ex was emotionally manipulative. He knew I had some codependency issues and made it seem like I needed him. Now that I’m more independent and mature, I know I don’t NEED anyone particularly. My friends were my biggest support system and helped me to break the unhealthy codependent bond I had with my ex. It was the worst heartbreak since my biggest fear was being alone, but my friends reassured me that I would always have them so I would never be alone.
During that time, my two best friends and my sister supported me by listening to me think through my decision (I separated without fully deciding whether or not to divorce) and when I finally told my family they initially reacted badly (more out of shock than anything I think) but quickly closed ranks to support me and that meant everything to me. Context: dating 4.5 years, married a year, struggled for a year, separated for 1.5 years, divorced and no contact for a year, now dating someone new.
I once dated someone from high school/through university. We were together almost 7 years which seems crazy! We were young of course but after we both finished school we both were moving in different directions. I got a job further away from home, he wanted to go back to school back home. We made things work for a year after talking about our future and how we wanted things to work out. But they didn’t. He only wanted to stay back home near his family and I had just gotten a new job. He was not willing to compromise/work together for our future. So, he left & I literally never talked to him again. I was crushed. 7 years is so long and it was comfortable. In the end, we obviously weren’t meant to be as we both wanted different things. It was hard to see at the time. I just felt like it was so hard but I also stood strong & was firm with my decision to start a new job in a new place and “start” my future! Whether he was a part of it. I found myself after that! Having fun, meeting new people, dating. Met my husband a few years later, and within 4 years we were married! Things work out. The year after that was the hardest year ever, but I grew so much and came out of my shell. It’s not easy. But staying with someone just for comfort might hold you back!
My husband (we dated for 10 years and married for about 4) asked for a divorce because he fell in love with his colleague that he knew for 3 months. It was an insane period of my life because we agreed to start the divorce proceedings 6 months later (once I’m done with my part time school) so we were still staying together but he was coming home at 1-2 in the morning almost everyday because he was out on dates with her. It was heartbreaking to see him in love. Despite this, I wanted and begged him everyday to choose me over her, reminding him of the good times. The final straw was when I found out that he brought her home when I was away on an overseas business trip because that’s what he agreed to never do. I left home to stay with my brother’s family (I’m so lucky to have a very supportive family and friends) and that woke him up. He’s been asking for forgiveness and a chance to make things up (which he has been doing) but I realised that I should’ve never let him treat me that way. We are working on our marriage but the triggers are still there and wounds are still fresh. It’s only been almost a year since the start of the affair. Whatever happens, I know you will come through this entire episode stronger. I was depressed for about 3 months, lost 10kg within a month because I wasn’t eating much. I thought it’d never end but once I picked myself up and felt ready to move on, he realised what he would have lost. Financially, I was scared as hell even though I didn’t need to be. But know that you’ll be alright.
I am divorced after a 12 year marriage. Originally my ex-husband proposed to get divorced first, work out his issues and then court me again. At first I was ok with it. But upon advice, I made a clean break with him, blocked him and erased all memories of him. At 38, I resolved to reboot myself, become a minimalist, learn new things, experience new things and most importantly, start investing in order to reach financial independence. Today, I am financially independent, made new friends, found my style and also a new partner whom I love even more than my ex-husband. Life is never better.
I went through the worst breakup a few years ago. Really didn’t think we would ever cross paths again. Fast forward to today, stronger than ever and about to get engaged. Not only is life unpredictable but it will also slap you in the face a few times when you think you have things ‘figured out.’ I’m sorry you’re going through this. But I promise, you will come out on the other side eventually. Until then, one day at a time. Focus on the positive and good in your life. Lean on friends. You got this!
When there’s still love for each other, it can work out. It will depend on how both of you work things out. Sometimes especially at the younger age when you’re both still figuring out your life, some people need that time to grow and figure things out independently. I’ve had friends that made their way back to their high school/college sweethearts after years apart. My husband I broke up a couple times too, mainly when I was in study abroad and thought I wanted to live my single lady life.
Here are the questions I received from my Instagram story:
Hi! I know you’re going through a lot right now but I hope you will soon feel so much better! I don’t know to much about what it’s like to be in a relationship as I’ve never been in one but what does being on a break entail? What would the results of it be eventually? Is it to think about the relationship separately and to find out what you want?
A break in my situation entails a transition from being in a romantic relationship to being in a platonic friendship, eliminating all expectations that we have of each other within the context of love. This differs across all relationships based on why they broke up in the first place, problems leading up to this breakup, and their ultimate goal (to stay together or find different people). Mr. Beans and I want to revisit our relationship later down the road when we’re both emotionally ready to pursue one. However, there is no expectation for us to commit to a relationship if we find that we are better off as friends (or even strangers).I’m going through the same things and I was also wondering how both of you established those boundaries esp as you continue to live together? We dated for almost 2 years and our relationship is somewhat similar to yours. We started out with a bi-coastal LDR and it’s also interracial. We didn’t officially move-in but I lived with him for about 2 months last summer after graduation bc of family issues. We still keep contact and all of my stuff are still in his apartment bc I’m overseas right now. He’s offering that I can still stay with him when I get back to the U.S. and he’s open to rebuilding our relationship. I was wondering about your situation and how you’ll manage continue living together and handle finances? I guess for us, it’s a bit tough because he’s a grad student and I’m still looking for jobs.
We spent the first day we saw each other (I was at my parent’s house when we decided to go on a break and I didn’t see him until a week later) talking about every what-if scenario. I use Notion for everything, and I created a page called “Project Relationship Reset” where I had a section for green/yellow/red lights — things we’re expected to do, things we can do if we ask each other (but shouldn’t be offended if either of us says no), and things we absolutely should not do. We also agreed to do monthly relationship reflections. Our first reflection was a discussion of everything that went wrong in our relationship. We were brutally honest with each other, because the goal was to start on a clean-ish slate where we understand how we’re feeling. We also included goals that we needed to focus on to grow in this friendship. For me, it was 1) be okay if I’m told “no” and 2) manage anger during arguments. In terms of the living situation, we used to sleep in the same bedroom and use the other bedroom as our office space. We’ve now changed it so that the other bedroom is his, and our office spaces are within our respective bedrooms. It allows us to seek privacy when we need it, and decompress when we’re overwhelmed in situations. I had a lot of expectations for him after we moved in together, such as watching a show/movie after he comes home from work and going to bed at the same time. Those expectations (and more) are now eliminated, because of how our dynamic has changed. You will have to let go of the routines you used to do with your partner, but reframe that as having more time to do what you want. Instead of watching movies that Mr. Beans will like, I can indulge in all the romcoms in the world, and not feel guilty about it.I am literally going through the same thing. We are LDR and we have just broken up very recently as well. I would like to stay together with him as we’ve known each other since we were 15. I would just like any general advice but I am having a hard time as we are long distance and finding time to talk as I believe we broke up because of how busy he is.
A big part of leaving a relationship is the natural inclination of wanting that feeling of closeness back once you realize you don’t have it anymore. I was the one to try to convince Mr. Beans to give me another chance at the relationship, but he refused to budge. After talkings things through, and once he came down (or up) from anger, he realized that he wanted a break instead of a break-up. If you and your partner are willing to give the relationship another shot, a good first step would be to consider taking a break, especially if your partner refuses to budge on his stance. Long distance is incredibly difficult (I was long distance with Mr. Beans for 2 years), and we’ve had so many fights as a result of a lack of communication. It felt like he didn’t prioritize the time I allotted for him (because I was the type of person to drop everything for him). However, it led me into a path of codependency that ended up pushing him even further away. I’ve noticed that LDRs that struggle tend to have a partner who is co-dependent with someone who needs their alone time. Ultimately, there is no straight-cut solution, but one thing that could transform an unhealthy relationship into one that’s healthy is having a conversation about each other’s non-physical needs (quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving) and how you both plan to balance your capacity to give the love that you both want (and deserve). You won’t get everything, and that’s where compromise comes in if you really want the relationship. If he’s trying his best (you can use context clues for this, as “best” is subjective), then I think that’s something to keep in mind when you’re figuring out whether to move forward or leave the relationship.I'm in a relationship, which is healthy and nice but it's my first healthy relationship and I've no idea of how much can be 'too much' if that makes sense? How to form boundaries and how to come to a conclusion that we might need break or time off from being together. You have had this experience, so feel free to tell us how it went, we'd love to learn, not share personal details or anything that makes you uncomfortable.
I’ve learned that the first healthy relationship after being in multiple toxic ones is the most difficult. A big part of setting boundaries is learning how to communicate effectively. Mr. Beans and I struggled a lot with this, because I have anxious attachment while he has avoidant attachment. In the therapy world, this is the worst combination to ever exist between two people, because it can turn into a toxic cycle the anxious person (me) feeling like they’re going to be broken up with because the avoidant person (him) struggles with communicating what they’re feeling in the moment. Once you figure out your attachment/communication styles, it is a good idea to create systems and address boundary setting. For example, an anxious partner might feel rejected if their avoidant partner needs a weekend to themselves as “me” time. Learning to sit down with each other and talk about your needs in an empathetic way instead of in a fear-driven (anxious) or emotionally reserved (avoidant) way is something that two people in a relationship should focus on.How to approach right person wrong time?
For the longest time, I was firm in believing that right person wrong time is simply the wrong person. My relationship with Mr. Beans has made me rethink this belief. The concept of right person wrong time can exist in a variety of situations, some that I personally would say no to, some I could potentially deal with and see the situation out. Perhaps you can ask yourself why it is the “wrong time”. Is it because they are living their best single live and don’t want to settle down just yet, but have love bombed you into thinking that you are the right person for them and that you should wait until they’re ready? (Red flag). Is it because they’re moving to a different state/continent in a couple weeks/months, and you/your potential partner don’t want a LDR? (Beige flag, this can be talked about). Is it because they still have learned trauma from their past relationships/childhood that they don’t want to bring into the current relationship but are actively working through it through therapy? (Green flag)How to heal from a heartbreak?
Therapy. Develop healthy coping skills. Read lots of books. Listen to podcasts. Take care of your body. Journal every single day. Engage in a new hobby/craft. Block them on social media. Google “how to heal from a heartbreak” and read what other people have to say. Talk to people you trust.What financial boundaries did you have during your relationship?
Here’s an old post of how we split expenses during our relationship. However, this was when we weren’t living together. When we were dating and living together, this was our breakdown:— Rent: $2300 (him), $1500 (me)
— Utilities: he covered electricity and internet
— Groceries: all me
— Dates/dining out: We took turns, but he usually covered meals while I covered drinks/sweets.
— Fun events: If it’s an event that one of us really wants to go to, then that person pays for it. If it’s an event that we both want to go to, we pay for our own ticket.Do you feel like your relationship was impacted by living together?
Absolutely. Mr. Beans told me that he wasn’t ready to live together, but because of financial constraints and how it simply was more cost effective to do so, we made this decision last October. I was ready to move in, and my enthusiasm pressured him into saying yes. My old therapist told me that couples who move in too early are more likely to break up — I never believed it until it happened to me. There were a lot of problems that we needed to work on before moving in together, but we never got the chance to do so. Now that we’re on a break, we’re finally revisiting every problem/argument that we had (in a healthy way).What made you guys decide to be roommates? How did you guys come to this conclusion to live together?
The main driver of this decision was the financial aspect of it. I make much less than Mr. Beans, and if I were to move out, I would have to live with my parents and resume that terrible 1-1.5 hour commute. Now that I am expected in office more regularly, it would be a pain. It’s also impossible to find an apartment in the city that is close to how much I’m paying for rent ($1500). The other side of this decision was reframing our situation as a break instead of a break-up. If Mr. Beans decided to go through with the break-up, then it’s no question that we’d both live in separate places. We still love each other deeply, and want to eventually be in a relationship with each other. However, there is room for growth, and if we went back into a relationship so quickly, the problems that I mentioned in previous questions would still persist and never be resolved. The dynamic that we currently have as friends has made it extremely easy for him to bring up topics that he used to be scared to discuss, since he would worry about me reacting badly.What is accomplished on the break that can’t be done as a couple but won’t make the relationship unreturnable?
We have rules for each other, but one of them is that we aren’t allowed to see other people during this period of time. We also have removed relationship-related expectations between us, which makes it easier to focus on our own hobbies/interests without the fear that we aren’t giving enough time to each other. The goal is to bring back our personal identities by detatching from the relationship.Did you see this coming or was it out of the blue?
It was out of the blue, but for good reason. I have done my fair share of breaking his trust and treating him poorly, and a lot of these problems/arguments were amended by a hug. But that didn’t do anything to the root cause, because it would just happen again. We have almost broken up many times throughout our relationship, and we should have taken a break earlier in the relationship. However, I thought this time around, it was going to be like previous arguments where the idea of breaking up comes to mind, but we end up staying together. This toxic cycle of argument/potential break-up/hug to amend the situation hurt our relationship in the long run. We never took the time to process these deep cuts that we inflicted upon each other, and it led to abusive codependency. So while this was out of the blue, it was much needed.
Here have been some coping methods that have helped me survive the next 3 months following a breakup (taken from my previous breakup in 2020 and this current one):
Consumption, consumption, consumption.
I consumed a frightening amount of media during my last breakup. It was to the point where I needed a constant voice in my ears to avoid letting my mind wander off (which usually led to crying). However, my consumption was very intentional. I specfically listened to podcasts that were related to relationships; my favorite was the Just Break Up Pod — the hosts were hilarious, and if you find a podcast episode close to your current situation, then it’s quite helpful to hear someone else’s opinion and advice on the situation. I also watched a lot of YouTube videos, a lot of them titled “A Guide to Dealing with Heartbreak”. I didn’t like Reddit (though I use Reddit for everything else), because some of the comments made me feel even worse than how I was feeling at the moment (which is already pretty sad/angry to begin with).Make sure you don’t find yourself alone for too long.
As an introvert, this is what I struggle with the most. I isolate myself until I realize that a lack of connection is the main driver for my worsening mental health. I found that talking to a friend at least once per day helped significantly. Whether it’s a quick 30-minute FaceTime call or spending the entire day with them, being able to see other people can do wonders for your mental health. That also doesn’t mean that you should always be with people every second of the day. There is importance in being alone, observing your thoughts, and having a healthy cry.Pursue an activity you’ve always wanted to do or have been wanting to get back into.
It can be easy to get lost in a relationship and forget about what truly brings you joy. In my previous breakup, I resorted to working out (running, even) and 2 3-mile walks on the daily. I was driven by exercise because I saw how lazy my ex-boyfriend and I slowly became over time. Exercising felt like a big fuck you to him, because leaving him inspired me to re-prioritize my health. In my current break-up with Mr. Beans, I’m integrating daily walks into my routine but I am also learning how to watch movies/shows without him there. I developed a codependent habit where I felt like I couldn’t watch a show/movie unless I watched it with Mr. Beans. I’ve been documenting all my movies on Letterboxd!
Block, so you won’t stalk.
In my last breakup, I remember refreshing his Instagram and Venmo constantly because I was desperately trying to cling onto every last bit of him. I finally blocked him on all social media platforms 6 months after the break-up, and I felt this emotional burden lift off my shoulders. Blocking someone who isn’t good for your mental health is so difficult; I struggled a lot with this because I liked keeping tabs on how people were doing. However, because they also followed me, it made me feel like I was also being watched. Therefore, I’d post carefully curated stories that made it seem like I was living the best life, when in reality, I was struggling to keep everything together. Blocking eliminates the need to portray this alternate version of my life that isn’t rooted in authenticity, but rather deceit to elicit jealousy on someone else’s end.
Journal with purpose.
It’s easy to journal your emotions down day by day, but one thing that really helped me was using a journal prompt at least once a week. Some of my favorites are:
— Write a letter to your ex, but don’t send it
— Figure out where things went wrong (was it your ex, was it you, or was it both?)
— Pros and cons list
— List of gratitudes as a result of the break-up (why this break-up is good for you)
— Understanding your behavior in the relationship (from childhood? learned from parents? friends?)
Instagram, where I’m the most active and post stories every day about my life, every non-essential purchase I make, my Goodreads/Letterboxd reviews, my progress with my academic papers goal, and more!
I use Wealthfront for my high yield savings account, and if you use my link, we both get 0.50% added to their current APY for the first three months! The base APY at this moment is a whopping 5.00%
All my Notion templates can be found and purchased here. Beans community favorites are the Capsule Wardrobe Tracker and Digital Goal Setting Toolkit.
Here’s my Bento for all my links consolidated into one webpage!